How Do Retarded People Get Jobs as Affiliate Managers?

Recently I received an email that was titled “Attractive Proposal” so I decided I would investigate further to see what this affiliate manager was offering….

Original Email:

Dear Webmaster,

My name is NAME REMOVED; I am an Account Manager at
www.Affiliateclub.com.
I find your website very attractive for our brands:
www.casinoclub-poker.com,
www.pokerkings.com

Our affiliates are getting fantastic conversion rates!

Do you want to hear more about it?

Kind regards,

NAME REMOVED

Account Manager
My response:

Hi NAME REMOVED,

I am in the process of trying to find a room to get a league going
ASAP.  Here are my requirements that I have been asking rooms for:
Hybrid CPA/Rev Share Deal
Tourmanent Prizes

Tell me a bit about your software and what you can offer.

Regards,

Graham Rowlands
GNG Media Inc.

Her reply to my email (notice how she doesn’t even READ MY FUCKING EMAIL!!!):

Dear Graham,

Thank you for your reply.
We have 2 brands with Boss Media software:

1. At www.casinoclub-poker.com – we offer 100% up to 200€ Welcome bonus ( here we can make a special promotion for you)

2. At www.pokerkings.com we offer 100% up to 300€ Welcome bonus

WE are usually working on Rev Share Deal.

What do you think about it?

Kind regards,

NAME REMOVED

My last and final response ever to Natasha:

Well NAME REMOVED, here is what I think about it…

For one, you never even gave me a proposal, but rather decided listing the standard
bonuses on your websites would get my attention.  I am not sure how that is supposed to
sell me.  I think you started this off with a great attention grabbing title to your
email, but you really need to work on the follow through.

And two, there was nothing “attractive” about it.  I get a million of these kind of
emails all the time, and this kind of junk just wastes my time.  Don’t beat around the
bush, sell your brand, tell me what I am gonna make, and give me good reasons why I
should promote your brand, over one of the competitors.

Anyway, hopefully this helps you in the future and thanks for giving me something to
write about on my blog.

Better luck in the future!

Graham

retards

8 thoughts on “How Do Retarded People Get Jobs as Affiliate Managers?”

  1. Hey Graham,

    Nice article. I wrote two pieces last week on a similar topic (I’m not linking because I don’t want to be spammy – they’re still on the homepage though):

    The Dumbing Down of Affiliate Managers
    Some People Just Don’t Listen

    The second one was written out of frustration by the fact that with an article on my homepage bashing affiliate managers for sending out spammy emails and a section on my contact page explaining why I can’t be an affiliate (I work in the industry) someone still used my contact form to email me an offer to become an affiliate!

    Do they just hire monkeys and give them a keyboard and internet connection?

    Bill

  2. Hey Bill,

    I read your blog from time to time, nice to see you here! I am gonna head over and read those 2 articles, but I can tell already they are gonna be good. I don’t know sometimes what these people are thinking. You can craft well written responses, but it’s like they are robots and no matter what you reply, there will be a pre-scripted email coming to you next.

    Best,

    Graham

  3. Great post Graham. Its disgusting to see how some programs handle themselves. Just like you said on the post before this one, you are in a billion dollar industry, hire people who know what they are doing, or pay someone to train them. Its such a simple thing to understand, yet so many rooms fail hard at this.

    You would be surprised how many affiliate programs have contacted Aced.com to see if we are interested in promoting their brand…

  4. The turnover rate must be rediculous. Of the 20 or so affiliate managers I have, I probably don’t know who half them are anymore. They come and go before you can get to know their name!

    And yes, this person is obviously a retard.

  5. I’ve just started in the affiliate business but I already know what you are talking about. The very first email the representative was polite enough to address me by my name but didn’t even spell it right.

  6. lol, I like your style. Come check out our site and I would love to work with you in regards to setting up a deal that will be beneficial to both yourself and your players.

    Wishing you the best,
    Craig

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