Category Archives: Bad Affiliate Programs

Cool Hand Poker… Could I Have Been Wrong?

Well, I was at the gym the other day watching the TV and what should come up but an ad for CoolHandPoker.com.  In a previous post I though these guys were just some random skin that was going to try and base their business model on affiliates, but it looks like I might have been wrong.  It is good to see these guys are actually spending some money advertising.

It is good to see that they also updated their homepage from a picture of a bunch of dorks playing poker to a couple of guys with semi-attractive women.  It looks like they are finally starting to find their niche.  Will be interesting to see what comes of this place.

Other News

Affiliate Speedpay closed their doors today and I can’t say that I am surprised.  I think it was great for some people, but I always had a feeling it wouldn’t last and was wary about having my money sent to some shady bank.  I never really wanted to open an offshore bank account because I felt it all seemed a little too shady.

BUDAPEST! In just over a week I will be heading to Budapest for this year’s BAC.  As usual Alex is doing an awsome job organizing it and it looks like this is gonna be one of the MUST ATTEND events of the year.  Will be good to catch up with some friends and meet some new faces / people I have probably talked to a shitload online but never met.  Thanks to Mark for organizing the dinner, looks like it will be awsome!

Anyway, that is all for now…. see everyone going to Budapest on the other side of the pond!

Affiliate Managers Contacting Through Facebook

I understand, its hard to get new affiliates to promote your room but sometimes I just want to tell these people to LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!  It’s one thing to send emails to addresses associated with sites, but sometimes the contact becomes a tad too invasive.  I get random people adding me to MSN with no clue who they are, and a few times now I have even received messages to my facebook account.

Like I said, I have grown used to the emails, but I look at Facebook as a more personal venue.  Even though it can be used as a great networking tool for people you have actually met or talk to, it should NOT be used as a method to promote your brand and contact potential affiliates.  It is actually just kinda creepy to me.

Anyway, I decided I would try and turn this into something productive that hopefully other affiliate managers could take something from and provide pointers on what I don’t like about these or most forms of “first contact” from affiliate managers.

Here is the message I received from NAME REMOVED of Cool Hand Poker with things in bold that could be improved if you had to use this method to contact an affiliate for whatever reason:

Hi Graham,

Not some mad stalker – I promise! :)  I am sure you prefer the term “e-stalker”.  “Stalker” is so real world.

I am an advertiser interested in promoting our Poker room – Cool Hand Poker via your network.  Network eh?  I bet you couldn’t even list some of the sites I have.

Been doing research to find appropriate media partners for my client, Belle Rock Entertainment. The company owns various online gambling sites (Poker, Bingo & Casino) and have been operating for over 10 years.  If you had done your research properly you could maybe tell me a few of my sites and why you think they would be a good fit for your room.

Cool Hand Poker is a relatively new and small poker room – it was launched late last year and we are aiming to grow the business. It is quite unique in its marketing, as the target market is “everyday people” or people wanting to learn & play poker socially / newbie poker players onto the site. We are not aiming for the big-stakes Professionals who usually go to the more aggressive sites such as Full Tilt or Poker Stars.  More on how this is a retarded idea later.  Do you really think you can keep out the “sharks” from a site.  Also, you do realize those are the ones that make money, not the guy who plays poker once a week.

We are focusing our marketing efforts on the UK, Canada Europe and Australia & NZ (not USA or Africa) – would be helpful to understand your traffic split (USA vs. target countries above) and targeting capabilities better?

In order for me to motivate for any media deal, we must provide as much detailed information as possible. Besides Cool Hand Poker, we also market Casino and Bingo – further opportunities to work together!  Oh, I forgot I was trying to sell you on why I should promote your stupid site.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards

NAME REMOVED

The thing that annoys me more than anything is NAME REMOVED has probably copied and pasted this message to hundreds of affiliates.  Anyway, since it wasn’t an email I will let facebook deal with the spammers roaming their site:

am-facebook

Her messages lack personal touch, and really do nothing to make me want to work with them.  For further proof here is an email from NAME REMOVED with the things that need improvement in bold:

TITLE OF EMAIL: Advertising/Affiliate partnership (FuzioPoker)‏ First off, the site is Fuzion Poker (instant points off for spelling mistake)

Hi Graham,

By way of introduction, my name is NAME REMOVED and I am the Poker Affiliate/Publisher Manager at COMPANY REMOVED.  And, you already lost my interest.  I don’t give a fuck who you are, why are you contacting me!  It’s bad enough you creeped my whois info to get this email instead of looking for the site contact email.

I am an advertiser interested in promoting our Poker room – Cool Hand Poker via your website. Would be grateful if you could contact me to discuss opportunities?  “Cool Hand Poker”, really, thats the name you went with?  Ummm… I don’t care about opportunities, you contacted me, remember.  What do I get out of this?

My aim is to find appropriate media partners for my client, Belle Rock Entertainment. The company owns various online gambling sites (Poker, Bingo & Casino) and have been operating for over 10 years.  Whatever.

At this time, I am specifically focusing on our Poker room – Cool Hand Poker – the emphasis being on fun, free or low-stakes, social poker games. Especially for newbies wanting to learn poker in a friendly, safe environment.  Fun, free, low-stakes?  Let me guess, you probably want me to send these players that will make me no money on an MGR deal too, right?

We are focusing our marketing efforts on the UK, Canada Europe and Australasia – would be helpful to understand your site and traffic split better?  Do your own research.

Looking forward to hearing from you. Not likely.

Warm regards,

NAME REMOVED

Anyway, I hope someone learns something from this post so I don’t have to use you as an example for one of my future posts.

How Do Retarded People Get Jobs as Affiliate Managers?

Recently I received an email that was titled “Attractive Proposal” so I decided I would investigate further to see what this affiliate manager was offering….

Original Email:

Dear Webmaster,

My name is NAME REMOVED; I am an Account Manager at
www.Affiliateclub.com.
I find your website very attractive for our brands:
www.casinoclub-poker.com,
www.pokerkings.com

Our affiliates are getting fantastic conversion rates!

Do you want to hear more about it?

Kind regards,

NAME REMOVED

Account Manager
My response:

Hi NAME REMOVED,

I am in the process of trying to find a room to get a league going
ASAP.  Here are my requirements that I have been asking rooms for:
Hybrid CPA/Rev Share Deal
Tourmanent Prizes

Tell me a bit about your software and what you can offer.

Regards,

Graham Rowlands
GNG Media Inc.

Her reply to my email (notice how she doesn’t even READ MY FUCKING EMAIL!!!):

Dear Graham,

Thank you for your reply.
We have 2 brands with Boss Media software:

1. At www.casinoclub-poker.com – we offer 100% up to 200€ Welcome bonus ( here we can make a special promotion for you)

2. At www.pokerkings.com we offer 100% up to 300€ Welcome bonus

WE are usually working on Rev Share Deal.

What do you think about it?

Kind regards,

NAME REMOVED

My last and final response ever to Natasha:

Well NAME REMOVED, here is what I think about it…

For one, you never even gave me a proposal, but rather decided listing the standard
bonuses on your websites would get my attention.  I am not sure how that is supposed to
sell me.  I think you started this off with a great attention grabbing title to your
email, but you really need to work on the follow through.

And two, there was nothing “attractive” about it.  I get a million of these kind of
emails all the time, and this kind of junk just wastes my time.  Don’t beat around the
bush, sell your brand, tell me what I am gonna make, and give me good reasons why I
should promote your brand, over one of the competitors.

Anyway, hopefully this helps you in the future and thanks for giving me something to
write about on my blog.

Better luck in the future!

Graham

retards

Affiliate Manager Tip: Learn To Spell

Just received a nice email from good ol’ PAP and after reading the first line was turned off from reading on:

You have received a new private message at Poker Affiliate Programs – Affiliate Community for Poker Affiliates from hanford, entitled “Affiliate oppertunity“.

The email came from some crap site called Cool Hand Poker (Coolhandpoker.com) which is obviously the site of choice for the math team judging by the picture on their ugly homepage.  The site itself looks very poorly put together and the name is awful.  I guess this is what happens when people don’t want to spend more than $6.95 on their domain registration.

The rest of the email was all about the standard crappy bonuses and typical commissions.  Can’t anyone be original anymore!!!

Anyway, keep on spamming your crap site, but really its just a waste of time as there is no way I would ever promote Coolhandpoker.com.

On a side note, it seems like I have been getting a ton of spam PMs lately over there, but since I don’t go there anymore I could really care less.  Way to keep those spammers out PAP.  Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten rid of all your mods!