Category Archives: My Day

How Do Retarded People Get Jobs as Affiliate Managers?

Recently I received an email that was titled “Attractive Proposal” so I decided I would investigate further to see what this affiliate manager was offering….

Original Email:

Dear Webmaster,

My name is NAME REMOVED; I am an Account Manager at
www.Affiliateclub.com.
I find your website very attractive for our brands:
www.casinoclub-poker.com,
www.pokerkings.com

Our affiliates are getting fantastic conversion rates!

Do you want to hear more about it?

Kind regards,

NAME REMOVED

Account Manager
My response:

Hi NAME REMOVED,

I am in the process of trying to find a room to get a league going
ASAP.  Here are my requirements that I have been asking rooms for:
Hybrid CPA/Rev Share Deal
Tourmanent Prizes

Tell me a bit about your software and what you can offer.

Regards,

Graham Rowlands
GNG Media Inc.

Her reply to my email (notice how she doesn’t even READ MY FUCKING EMAIL!!!):

Dear Graham,

Thank you for your reply.
We have 2 brands with Boss Media software:

1. At www.casinoclub-poker.com – we offer 100% up to 200€ Welcome bonus ( here we can make a special promotion for you)

2. At www.pokerkings.com we offer 100% up to 300€ Welcome bonus

WE are usually working on Rev Share Deal.

What do you think about it?

Kind regards,

NAME REMOVED

My last and final response ever to Natasha:

Well NAME REMOVED, here is what I think about it…

For one, you never even gave me a proposal, but rather decided listing the standard
bonuses on your websites would get my attention.  I am not sure how that is supposed to
sell me.  I think you started this off with a great attention grabbing title to your
email, but you really need to work on the follow through.

And two, there was nothing “attractive” about it.  I get a million of these kind of
emails all the time, and this kind of junk just wastes my time.  Don’t beat around the
bush, sell your brand, tell me what I am gonna make, and give me good reasons why I
should promote your brand, over one of the competitors.

Anyway, hopefully this helps you in the future and thanks for giving me something to
write about on my blog.

Better luck in the future!

Graham

retards

Merry Christmas!

First and foremost, Merry Christmas to everyone or happy holidays if you celebrate some other weird holiday.  Just kidding, I don’t discriminate ;)  I had a nice Xmas with the fam.  Pretty quiet, but lots of great wine and amazing meals!

Anyway, so lately I haven’t been up to all that much.  Just lots of shopping for the holidays, which is thankfully now over, and trying to get some work done, which is as usual pretty unsuccessful.  Also been hibernating in my house as it has been ridiculously cold lately.

Vacations… I bought a plane ticket to head back to Argentina on January 21st for 2 months.  The prices were so good and since I have been hating every day of winter since I got back I thought it was the right thing to do.  Also, I will be going to Venezuela on January 6th for 1 week, so if you are looking for me, good luck!  I’ll be on the beach without my computer.

Work… trying to get back into it.  Have many projects that have been sitting in limbo that I am trying to get going again.  Wish me luck!  Dreading doing my taxes, but I know it has to be done.  I have the gov’t, bunch of criminals!

Hopefully everyone is enjoying this little break in the year and having a nice time with their families!

I end this post with something I saw today on Wicked Chops Poker… possibly the greatest commercial of all-time!  I won’t give any spoilers, BUT be warned… this is NSFW.  Enjoy!

Link: Fleg Master Tlpizza

Buenos Aires Recap

Ooops… been back for about a week now and forgot to post about the rest of the Buenos Aires trip.

Well, I survived the paragliding.  What an experience that was!  For the rest of my time in Mendoza I went rafting and biking around the vineyards.  It was probably one of the best parts of my trip and I had a ton of fun there.  Here are a couple pics:

Gettin Ready to Jump

On top of the mountain

Biking to the wineries

Dinner with the Dutch Girls on their last night.  Amazing Tapas and Wine!

After Mendoza I headed back to Buenos Aires where the trip came to an end after a few more nights of partying.

All in all it was an amazing experience and I am so glad I went.  I met a ton of great people from all over the world and made some new friends.

Here are some more highlights from the trip and things that I’ll miss about Buenos Aires…

- Finding out they have Stoli Elite for less than Absolut at Godoy (obvious mistake)
- Celebrating Colombian Christmas at Claudia’s Appt
- Daily beer tips to Plaza Serrano
- Seeing a new “hottest girl in the world” every single day
- My friend Lucio trying to pick up the same girl about 50 times in a row while she is standing at the bar with her boyfriend
- Cheap amazing dinners at sick restaurants every day
- Random blaring of “Feliz Cumple Anos” in nice restaurants
Plus many more!

I might be heading back there again in the new year.  If anyone is interested in coming down, let me know.

Bye for now!

Possibly my last post…

Well, I hope not, and am knocking on wood right now….

This morning I arrived in Mendoza, Argentina.  Mendoza is a city in the north that sits right on the edge of the Andes mountains.  It is most known for being the wine region of Argentina and probably South America as a whole.

I took the bus last night by myself and arrived here at 8am (John decided to stay back in BsAs with his future wife).  Last week I met a few Dutch girls who mentioned they were going to be coming here also, and we managed to meet up at the bus station and head to the same hostel.  In a few hours we are all going paragliding.  When I signed up for it, I thought it was hangliding, but apparently I was mistaken.  Anyway, should be a lot of fun!

Tomorrow we are thinking of doing a wine/bike tour.  Basically you go from winery to winery on bikes getting drunk along the way on great Argentinian wines.  Should get interesting…

If I have time, I am also going to go white water rafting.  I have always wanted to do it, and it is only like $30 here, so its hard to say no.

I am also having my first real hostel experience.  The last few times we stayed in hostels we did the private room thing, but this one I am in a shared room.  I was supposed to be in a room with some russian guy, but the room did not have lockers so I asked for another.  The only other room had 3 spanish girls, so I decided that I would suffer and take that one ;)

Anyway, hopefully I’ll be writing again in the next few days to let you know how it goes.  Bye for now!

In Cordoba

So, Cheryle reminded me today that it has been a while since I wrote anything so here it goes…

Right now I am in Cordoba, Argentina.  John and I took a 10 hour bus ride to get here last Friday and we have been here for a week now.  Cordoba is smaller than Buenos Aires, but still a pretty big city at around 3 Million people.  It is known for having arguabaly the hottest girls in the world, which I can personally attest to.

Anyway, so we arrived Friday and met these girls that we had met in Buenos Aires at the bus terminal.  My friend Daniella had a car, so they were able to drive us to where we were staying.  We got to our hostel (Cordoba Hostel) which we quickly learned was quite a shithole.  Probably one of the worst places I have stayed, but lately things that used to bother me are a lot less significant.

We partied with the girls for a few days and on Sunday morning we went with them to Villa General Belgrano in the Sierras of Cordoba (Mountains) after coming home from the nightclub and sleeping for about an hour.  That was a really great day as we walked around a bunch, had a nice lunch and went to a river in the middle of nowhere to lie in the sun and listen to music.  As you can probably tell not much work is being done this week.

Later in the week we switched to another Hostel as I couldn’t stand the other.  We lucked out at Cordoba Backpackers and got a private room which was like an appt with TV etc.  Way nicer!

Tuesday was my birthday.  We went out with the girls to a really nice steakhouse and probably one of the nicest restaurants in Cordoba.  We ate some of the best and biggest steaks I have ever eaten with tons of apps and side dishes (plus wine obv) and the total bill for the four of us was under $100 USD.  This place is awsome.  After dinner the girls had to go home as they had an exam the next day, but they dropped us off by the busier bars and we went for some drinks.  Eventually we ended up at this one bar and started chatting with the bartenders and managers.  Within about 30 minutes we made plans to go out with them when the bar closed to a nightclub that was close by.  The club was interesting (lots of hippies and mainly rock music), but we had lots of fun and I had a ton of Fernet and cokes (local drink that tastes kinda like medicine).

Anyway, right now we are trying to decide whether to leave tonight on the overnight bus which is much nicer, or party here one more night and wait till morning to go.

This has prob been a pretty boring entry, but I felt like I should throw something up as it had been a while.  Also, I’ll try and get some pics up soon, but I don’t have my laptop with me right now.

Barcelona Recap / Argentina Next

A few weeks ago I was fortunate enough to attend Cap Euro in Barcelona. First off, shout out to Alex Pratt and the rest of his team for doing such an amazing job putting this show together. Even though my actual time in the conference was very short, the event as a whole was a lot of fun and I got to meet some really great people and catch up with some old friends.

I’ll try and do a quick recap as I remember it…..

Day 1 - Don’t Go to Can Majo

Arrive in Barca, head to Hotel Room – My friend John (JohnG) and I shared a room because we “aren’t balling like that”. Free Wifi, so obviously the first thing we do is turn on the laptops. Get ahold of Jeremy (Boarderman) and John Halloway (JohnH) on Skype and make plans to meet a bunch of people for dinner. Jason (Goodkarmakid) has made reservations at some fish restaurant that is supposed to be one of the better ones in the city. WRONG…. the restaurant was a huge miss, had my worst meal of the trip and waited over 3 hours to do so. The funniest part of it was about an hour in to the wait for the main courses, JohnH received his main. We all got excited the food was finally coming, but it was almost another hour before any of us were to see a plate. (Don’t worry Jason, I know its not your fault as I found the website (No free linkage: http://www.barcelona.com/barcelona_city_guide/where_to_eat_barcelona/top_10_best_restaurants_in_barcelona/) that is resposible for this poor recommendation)

After Dinner it was off to the Blackjack.com party. In a group of 13 people none of us remembered to write down directions for the club so we all decided to hop in cabs to get there. This brought one of the funniest moments in the trip. After explaining to the cab driver that we wanted to go to Joker Nightclub for about 3 minutes, we arrive at Shoko Nightclub. Apparently Joker is not very well known there as the same thing happened to the other cab. We finally get to Joker and there is some giant black guy at the door looking for Blackjack.com chips to get in. Fortunately, I was with Jeremy Enke who was kind of a big deal over there, who brought Alex Pratt to the rescue to get us in. Like most gambling affiliate parties, it was a complete sausage fest, but we decided we would get drunk off the free booze and make it a good night. I am a little disappointed about their advertisements of Wild Orchid Girls, because I maybe saw one, and she didn’t even look that hot.

About 2 hours into the night I run into an attractive lady at the bar so I decide to say hello. It turns out that she is an affiliate manager for Casino Rewards/Rewards Affiliates and unlike most affiliate managers doesn’t try to push her company while out partying… I like her already. To make a long story short I find out later that she (Renee – some of you may know her from CAP) won the award for Best Affiliate Manager at the CAP Awards in London and her company has won the award for Best Casino Affiliate Program, so anyone looking to get into casino more should definitely send Renee an email.

The rest of the night was kind of a mess. I ended up giving Renee a rose, but was shortly outdone by Mike (themike537) who bought some other girl 3:


Day 2 – Hungover at the Conference / PAP Dinner and Partying Again

John and I get up relatively early on Day 2 considering we had only arrived home wasted a few hours prior. Free breakfast at our hotel before 10:30, so being the savvy travellers that we are we hit the buffet. Food sucks, off to the conference.

Line up for what seems like forever, but was probably only 10 minutes. Turns out we were waiting in the wrong line, and didn’t even have to line up in the first place. Run into Beanie and a few others while in line and stare at the many hot girls that are promoting for different sites… the line isn’t so bad after all.

Get into the conference and decide to just walk around. Most of the booths look the same as usual and there is nothing really exciting going on. Chat with some people for a bit, watch the opening session/legal session (really good session) and try to find Stephen from Sportsbook.com. I show up 5-10 minutes late, he is nowhere to be found… oh well…. I kinda expected it anyway as it usually happens with meetings at these things.

Walk around the conference a bit more, stare at the pretty promotional girls, gather some free swag and decide we have had enough – time to head out. Run into Stephen who had a meeting cancelled, so we go to lunch with him. Eat the worst Risotto which is actually rice, but still beats the meal at Can Majo! Day is pretty much done, so back to the hotel. All in all were probably at the conference for about 3 hours.

Back at the hotel we decide to lie down for a bit to try and recover for the debauchery that is about to follow that evening.

After a few hours of shut-eye, Geof from Bet365 comes by our hotel so we head over to the CDLC for the dinner that I organized. Turns out the place is AMAZING and has a really cool setup. Chat with Geof for a bit and wait for people to arrive.

8pm arrives (when we were supposed to meet) and not a single person is there (actually that might be a lie, because I think Giorgio was there, but we didn’t actually know who he was till about 8:30)! I begin to get extremely stressed out that I am gonna be stuck with a bill for 40 people…. oh boy! Fortunately some people start to roll in around 8:30, but we are still not even at half of the original group. The waitress starts to freak out on me a little, and I tell her that people are on there way, but are stuck in traffic.

9pm… Finally there are enough people to sit down, let’s get this show on the road. Dinner is quite amazing and probably the best meal I had over there. Half-way through the meal I find out I got the shaft on seating as it turns out themike537 and Kendall (kdollar) have the best view in the whole restaurant. In front of their table is a bed full of smoking hot lesbian girls that keep making out with each other… wow I am good at picking restaurants.

Dinner finishes up, and my good friend Margaret from PKR covers the tab for all the affiliates. Being an affiliate does have its benefits :) Now that dinner is over, its PARTY TIME.

Head over to the Winzingo party. Again, a sausage fest and they make you pay for your booze. This party sucks! Fortunately my good friend Dee from 888.com gave me an invite to their party earlier in the day so we decide we need a change of scenery and head over there.

I forget the invite though at the hotel room, but fortunately we manage to locate Dee in the club and she gets us in. As we get in we discover that 888.com isn’t cheap and booze are FREE :) This is much better than first party. The best part about this party was they did it in a club where there were local people partying also on the first floor. After catching up with some old friends for a bit and meeting some new people we decide to head downstairs for the real party. As we get downstairs we hear one of the nicest sounds in the world: Rick Ross…. this party is getting even better!

themike537, kdollar, JohnG

themike537, kdollar, JohnG

JohnG, JohnH, themike537

JohnG, JohnH, themike537

Party on the dancefloor for a bit then get invited over to a table that Chris (lifeofsports on PAP) has reserved – party gets even better! Hang out with them for a bit and do a lot more drinking with Chris and most of the Cake Team (which I must add are probably one of the coolest teams over there – they know how to party). Find out that over 20 people had been mugged the night before, but the only one that managed to fight them off was little Mr. Enke.

After a ton more drinking Evan (who works for Chris) and I decide it will be fun to try and pick up girls. After going about 0/4 we finally meet 2 German girls. After about 10 minutes of me trying to speak spanish to them, I find out they speak English. I decide I have probably had enough and leave Evan with the girls and we all head back to our hotels.

Day 3 – I Really Should Get Some Work Done

I decide before going to sleep the night before, that today would be the day where I actually try and get some business done. I head to the conference and decide I am gonna go around talking to a bunch of the different programs. I get there, realize I am still so hungover and have nothing to really talk to them about so I go talk to the people I already know.

While talking to Renee (Casino Rewards) I see that she has a really cool lighter. She tells me to go to Everest Poker to get one. I decide to go and pretend to be interested, and quickly discover that I don’t like the people at Everest. The two I am talking to seem like dicks and really have no interest in my business or telling me about their company. I find the lighter and leave.

I run into Henrik from GNUF/Betway (who I met in London) and chat with him for a bit. The GNUF team is really cool and has Heineken… so, I stay longer. After a one or two beers I leave and walk around for a bit more and realize the conference is over. Everyone is packing up and its time to get out of there.

That night CAP held a dinner for some people which I managed to work an invite to (thanks Yvette!). We get on a bus and are shuttled over to the restaurant for a great meal… thanks Warren! At dinner I met Eva from Betway and we had some great conversation about travelling. She has been to quite a few places, and I am planning to do more travelling in the upcoming year.  Eva was really cool to meet, and definitely look forward to working with her more in the future.

Me & Eva

Me & Eva

After dinner we head to the Million Dollar Poker Room party. They did a great job putting this on, but after waiting 30 minutes at the bar to find out they ran out of glasses we start to look for other options. I did catch up with some old friends though like Johan (who used to be at GNUF, but is now at Full Tilt) and a few others so it was stilll a great night. Run into Richie from Carbon Poker and he tells me they are going to Opium.

Get to Opium and there are a bunch of people over there. Run into Chris (lifeofsports) again and a bunch of other people. After a long night of drinking I realize it is 7am and I need to get out of there. The people I had left had long gone, so I looked for someone that was also leaving. Richie and I head out of the club and he waits with me to get a cab – Thanks man! There had been a ton of muggings there that week especially by this club so it was very nice of him to do this.

That pretty much concludes the conference… John and I stayed for a few more days and met up with some friends and did some sightseeing. Here are a few of those pics:

Mt. Tibidabo

Mt. Tibidabo

Camp Nou

Camp Nou

La Sagrada Familia

La Sagrada Familia

Parc Guell

Parc Guell

So that’s all for my recap… hope you enjoyed it. Next Saturday I will be leaving for Argentina for 7 weeks. John (JohnG) and I are going to work from down there for a bit to get a change of scenery and explore some of the other parts of the world.

My main goals on this trip are to improve my spanish (if I can perfect it that would be amazing), do some travelling, try to get some good ideas on what the heck I am gonna do with the rest of my life :) I’ll try and post an update soon!

Update past due…

Sorry for the lack of updates to the people that actually come here.  Anyway, been trying to enjoy summer and have been slacking a little.

Anyway, summer is almost over so I am gonna have to get back on the grind ASAP.  The PAP Niagara Falls meet-up is coming up soon, which should be great.  Its nice to catch up with some of the people that you spend all-day long talking to online.

Barcelona is also coming up and I am in desparate need of that vacation.  I find going to these conferences is really motivating and makes me work much better.  If you are going, you should definitely try and make it out to the dinner that I am organizing.

Well, I don’t have really much else to say, so let me end this post with what I consider to be a very motivating video.  I think it never got the love it deserved:

Ethics Go Further Than Being Evil

Karma can be a real bitch. If you treat people like shit, it can come back to you 10 fold. You should always treat other people how you want to be treated. So, be nice to your fellow human beings, and good things will come to you!

On a side note, I noticed something funny today happened to Snaps. Tough break pal on your recent troubles with the big G:

This should be a reminder to everyone that if you are going to buy links, don’t be stupid about it!

Spin32 – Spamming Does More Harm Than Good!

Dear Spin32Poker/Spin32Live/Spin32Casino/Spin32.com/Whatever the hell you call yourself,

Stop spamming me. This morning I replied to your email asking to be removed from your mailing list. In case you can’t remember what email I am talking about, it started off:

Dear %Name%
I visited your website %Website% and wondered…

And, came from a campbell@spin32.com. Sure enough, about 10 minutes later I received another email from you guys with my information in it (which you obviously bought or stole from another site as I have never given you my email address.

You obviously didn’t learn anything when it was first brought up in this thread. I have heard all your crap about how you are a small site and can’t afford to hire multiple people to send emails all day, but why the hell would I want to work with you if you can’t even take 2 seconds to look at my site and send a personal email (not just some cookie cutter crap).

One of the funniest things is that you are even sending these out to people that own <establishedpokersite>bonus.com. Are you guy’s that retarded? Why would someone advertise spin32 on something like pokerstarsbonus.com?

If you really want to build relationships with affiliates do it on a personal level, but its already too late for you guys. Hopefully some other sites out there will read this and learn why SPAMMING DOESNT WORK!

Honestly, do yourselves a favor and just shut down your affiliate department right now. Nobody is gonna want to work with a bunch of spammers that use shady marketing tactics!

And, now that I have gotten that off my chest, lets end this on a positive note…

Respect – It can get you farther than being a dick!

I decided to write about the topic of respect because there are far too many children getting into business that seem to lack basic people skills entirely. Let me tell you a story of what happened last night with an affiliate that I thought I got along with pretty well (for the sake of identities lets just call him SNAPS – because snapping in a situation is completely retarded, especially if you are trying to get something resolved)…

So its late, I am about to go to bed, when suddenly this message pops up:
21/05/2008 2:51:08 AM SNAPS : you are a total douche
21/05/2008 2:51:49 AM Graham : ?
21/05/2008 2:51:58 AM SNAPS : think before you talk
21/05/2008 2:52:32 AM Graham : whats the matter?
21/05/2008 2:53:07 AM SNAPS : you’re an absolute twat
21/05/2008 2:53:15 AM SNAPS : why don’t you think before you post bullshit on PAP
21/05/2008 2:53:18 AM SNAPS : and mention other peoples domains
21/05/2008 2:53:21 AM SNAPS : that can land them into trouble
21/05/2008 2:53:22 AM SNAPS : idiot
21/05/2008 2:53:34 AM Graham : what domains?
21/05/2008 2:53:50 AM SNAPS : bye graham

At this point I honestly had no idea what SNAPS was talking about, but figured it had to do with something that I posted in a thread that I had been heavily involved with on PAP (and had actually defended in the thread without mentioning names). In the thread I had randomly listed off a bunch of domains as examples (ie. xsitebonuscode.com, xsitereferralcode.com) not really pointing fingers at the owners of those sites, just making things up off the top of my head. It was then that I realized that one of the domains I had used as an example redirected to SNAPS’ site.

Sure, I screwed up, but it was completely unintentional. But, after being called an idiot, douche and twat by this individual I also wasn’t too eager to go back and fix the post either. All this person had to say was “hey man, that site you mentioned in the post is mine, can you please remove it”, and it would have been gone immediately. Instead, this person thinks that it will be more effective to talk to me in a condescending and disrespectful tone to get the problem resolved…. WRONG! I find it funny that people can have such big mouths when hiding behind their computer, but I guarantee they would not say these things face to face. Anything I post online I would gladly back up in person.

Hopefully you have learned something from this experience that it is better to treat your fellow affiliates with respect than treating them like a dog. Don’t be so quick to overreact as a lot of the time people may not know what they are doing that is so wrong. People will be much more willing to accommodate you when talk to them like normal human beings rather than a piece of shit!